Friday, February 11, 2011

Life is Hard

So last week I kept thinking that as soon as I could just get out of this house things would be easier-boy was I wrong.  So then this week while I sat at work I kept thinking about how I just wanted to be back at home because when I was at home I would realize that things really were easier there-wrong again!  So here's what God has been teaching me this week, in lots of little things and through lots of different is hard, plain and simple.  Life is hard for a working mom.  Life is hard for a stay at home mom.  It's hard if you have one baby.  I can only imagine how hard it is if you have 4 or 5 babies.  It's thankless, it's dirty, it's exhausting, it makes me cry almost every day in one way or another, and it's just hard.  Yesterday was one of those days that Eric got home from work, we ate dinner and I said "We're out of milk.  I"m going to the store.  I may or may not come back tonight".  Obviously my husband knows me well enough to know that I'm not going to run away but really, yesterday the thought was pretty appealing.  And yet I know that compared to A LOT of moms in this world I've got it so easy.  My bills are paid every month. My kids have a closet full of clothes. They've never gone without food, diapers or love.  I have husband who I know will come home every single night from work and help me (even if it's not to my full expectation, he does usually try).  And he loves me and he loves ours boys.  And even with all of these tremendous blessings still-life is hard.  It's hard to keep my house clean-impossible now that Aiden can walk.  It's hard to put on a smile for my kids 24/7 when all I want to do is cry.  It's hard when all I've heard ALL day is screaming, and "he took my toy" and "I want to watch Elmo/Shrek/Toy Story" for the 100th time.  It's hard when I get tired of saying the most ridiculous things over and over like "Connor, don't put the dog in the trash", and "Aiden, don't eat the trash, dog food, etc".  That stuff is exhausting!  And it's equally hard when I'm sitting in an office just wishing I could be at home watching Elmo with those same screaming kids and thinking about the hundreds of things that I'm going to have to do after they finally go to bed tonight.  I don't really know what made me write this other than a couple of conversations with a couple of special friends this week but it's just on my heart.  We're human beings and we make life messy.  And even when we're not making our own life messy there are plenty of other people there to do it for us.   It's our sinful nature I just makes life hard.  However, I do know that as tough as life gets I have a God who loves me.  I've been through some pretty messy things in my short life and He hasn't let me down. Through all of my messiness and all of my thinking I'm never going to get it "right", He loves me.  He loves me more than I can even fathom.  More than I love my husband, more than I love my kids. He doesn't want life to be hard.  It just is.  So the next time you're having a day when you think you're failing miserably-today is Friday and I believe I've had 3 of those days this week-just remember this:  For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

1 comment:

  1. Um, funny. I just posted about feeling worthless and that I actually know I'm doing good...thanks to some "certain" friends lol.